do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
