apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
