Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
