Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
