im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
