someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
