I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
