Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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