you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
