so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
