so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
