where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
