yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize