no, he came in my armpit
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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