My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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