Nicole vs. Life
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sext me about skeletons
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
