well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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