someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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