the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
