He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
