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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
don't judge my taste in strippers
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
