Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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