you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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