You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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