I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
