I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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