I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I supernannyed him into submission
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
