Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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