some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
