Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
