just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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