i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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