Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
