sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
