The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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