I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It all started with a game of naked twister.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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