Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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