2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
