Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
