I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
