whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
