Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
