He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
