Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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