wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
