happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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