god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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