I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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