dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
