HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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