Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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