Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
