four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
