He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
