your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
