we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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