i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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