if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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