Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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