Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
