i jhust puked up my retainher.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
