If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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