I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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