So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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