I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
