I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i think i just lost a toe
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
