White coat. Heels.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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