opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Maybe he injected his testicle?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
